One of the most important parts of a relationship that builds trust and connection, is the ability to relate to each other through empathy. Without empathy or compassion in a relationship, a relationship will suffer greatly and likely fail. If you did not grow up in a family where empathy was a common expression, it can feel uncomfortable to receive it from others let alone express it yourself. This can be especially common in narcissistic patterns, because empathy is often perceived as an insult for 'being weak.' They experience shame when shown empathy, instead of love or connection.
Empathy requires emotional availability to another person, which can feel vulnerable if you have not worked through your own pain.
You may go through relationships listening, but never truly connecting or understanding that other person. That is why it is so worth it to heal so you you can connect intimately in relationships, and recognize others with that same emotional availability.
What does empathy look like? It can look like many forms of connection. One of those forms include emotional validation.
HOMEWORK: Read the statements below, and write out 10 statements you might add to it for yourself.
20 Statements to Show Empathy
Through Emotional Validation:
1. That must have been difficult.
2. You did not deserve that.
3. This should not have happened.
4. This must be really hard.
5. Let me know how I can support you.
6. That is not okay!
7. You deserved better than that.
8. What! You’re kidding!
9. That is terrible.
10. I am here if you need anything.
11. Tell me about it.
12. What! How are you feeling?
13. Are you okay?
14. I am here for you.
15. I am listening.
16. That must have been so hurtful.
17. What do you need right now?
18. How can I support you?
19. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
20. I am here to talk.